I’m dedicated to create a more neuro-inclusive society where female neurodivergents are seen as valuable members of teams and companies.
Hey beautiful soul!
All my life I wanted to help people. It took some detours and a lot of self discovery before I finally started to walk my own path instead of what society expected of me.
My mission is simple: empower women with a late diagnosis of ADHD to embrace your neurodivergence and thrive in your career and personal life.
xoxo Ro
It's almost a joke that I didn't get diagnosed until age 30
If I tell people about my ADHD struggles and symptoms now, I’m often met with: “Wait.. You RECENTLY discovered it?” “You didn’t know this before?” Or one of the funniest responses I got: “How could anybody have missed this? It’s written on your forehead. It’s as clear as the fact that a dog barks and a cat meows!”
Besides being a high functioning female with ADHD there was one other important reason I did get diagnosed earlier...
TW: My dad committed suicide* when I was 6. Which inherently made me “different” from all the other kids.
Every mood, every behaviour got liked to: “Ow it’s probably because her dad died and she’s struggling”.
- No focus? “Because of her dad.”
- Dominant: “Her way of compensating the lack of control she must feel.”
- Anger outbursts: “Pent up emotions from dealing with a deceased parent.”
- Not being able to do tasks: “She’s probably just being difficult because she needs some extra attention.
Etc etc etc.
Never had anyone ever taken the time to sit down, talk and look at ME. I was always looked at through the lens of my past. Or just seen as a nuisance by my teachers.
I actually had multiple teachers yell at me, finding me annoying by the questions I asked (challenging the status quo) and even calling me stupid. Highschool was a nightmare. Friends? I had very little. Even though, I passed with above average grades. Another reasons why nobody ever suspected anything.
Things got a little bit better
After changing my major a couple of times, I actually flourished in uni. I was an Honours student, graduated with merit, took part in a number of extracurricular activities. I was an active member of my student society and I was board member of some committees. And yes, I also had a student job… I had a busy life but I loved it.
It wasn't all unicorns and rainbows though...
What nobody saw:
- Me pulling all nighters because I left course work to the last moment
- The constant anxiety of not being good enough
- Spend extra hours on studying because I was easily distracted. I had to re-read so many pages because my eyes were reading but my brain was doing all kinds of other stuff.
- Overwhelm because I had the feeling I wasn’t doing enough so I took on extra work to get good grades so others wouldn’t think I was actually stupid
- Masking the shit out of my life. At one point I said I was getting more fun as I aged. Now I can say I was too tired to keep masking, so I was slowly dropping it.
- Burn out (multiple) because I thought I had to do it all by myself. I had no proper support system. And thought like: “It’s all me. I’m the odd one. I have to fix all the parts that aren’t working”, weren’t helping at all.
- Jealousy and constant overthinking. Why was everyone having such a great time? Don’t they see all the obstacles on the road? I can’t slip up for one second or I’ll be dealing with the consequences. Where do they get the time to do all this stuff and still get decent grades. Why do they get to have so much fun without royally fucking up?”
The first couple of years I was able to coast and cope with my ADHD symptoms. My first job left me with enough time to decompress from my office days on my off days.
During my first full-time jobs the first cracks started showing
The idea of being in the office 5 days a week from 9-5 made me feel anxious at the start. But I was coping quite well. Also, because the pandemic had just started. So because I had to work from home I could curb the overwhelm to a minimum. I could plan my own days, so it wasn’t that bad.
I was still creating huges sums of revenue for the company so no-one (except for my closest co-workers) saw I was struggling a lit. At some point I was even in between managers for months with no one to actually check up on me. This was one of the reasons why I wanted to be an entrepreneur.
I felt like I was swimming (read: drowning) at open sea with no lifeboat in sight. And with all the expectations and RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) weighing me down.
Long story short: Moving abroad, trying to start a business, struggling financially and living with undiagnosed ADHD was taking its toll.
When I came back to Holland it went all down hill. The job I took turned out to be in toxic and nearly sent me into a burn out and the stress from working in such a command and control environment gave me severe physical symptomps. Add to that I was being bullied… You might be able to imagine how miserable I was feeling.
But it turned out to be my greatest gift
Because it showed me I couldn’t continue this way and I actually had to do something about it. TikTok funny enough actually showed me some answers I was looking for and I started researching ADHD and neuro-diversity. (Yes, I did buy a shit tone of books. Classic.)
Mijn coachingstijl: no bullsh*t empowering humor en lichtheid
Een paar random feitjes over mij:
- Ik hou van opera. Ik heb zelfs aan Accademia Teatro alla Scala in Milaan gestudeerd. Dit is wat mij betrekt echt het Mekka van opera!
- Yup, ook ik ben lid van de Crossfit cult. All jokes aside, I heb me nog nooit zo zelfverzekerd gevoeld.
- Ik heb nog al op wat plekjes gewoond: Tallinn (Estland), Limerick (Ierland), Milaan, Berlijn en nu Parlemo (Sicilië). Ik kan niet wachten om hier nog een aantal plekjes aan toe te voegen.
- Ik ben verslaafd aan tarot pick-a-card readings op youtube. Ik heb zelf ook een aantal kaartendecks.
- Laat de harde G je niet misleiden. Ik ben een Limburgse in hart en nieren, born and raised.
- Ik ben pescetariër, ik eet dus wel vis maar geen vlees. Door mijn PDS kan ik dus geen vlees eten, en geen donuts, of oliebollen.. Sad.
- Ik houd wel van een dansje. Nee, niet in de club. Bachata, waltzen, salsa. Love de non-verbale connectie die je kunt maken.